Life Goes On

 

After my first IV went so well, Dr N decided to double the dose of Vitamin C and KAPOW!   I crashed out majorly.

I think I should explain how this works.  Because I have neuro-borreliosis with the co-infection of Bartonella, the main areas that these bacteria have infected are my brain and nervous system.  They are the cause of my depression, anxiety and MS-like movements.  When we try to start treatment to kill these little buggers off, as they die, they release toxins and make you worse and exaggerate your symptoms for a time.  This is called herxing.  A herx usually affects the area where the bugs are most concentrated, hence my brain which is why my depression and anxiety amplify after these treatments.

As we have been unable to get my mood stabilised all year, I go into these treatments already depressed.  Plunging deeper into depression after the treatments leaves me in the darkest of places where no-one should have to go.  To address this, my medical team have conferred and decided to try adding in a different anti-depressant.  This has helped marginally.  So last week, we all decided that I would try changing the other one (I am on two) to see if this could help.  If I can be more stable before treatment, the reasoning is that I should be able to handle the herxes better after treatment.  I have stopped the IV treatment for now as my last herx was so severe.

The catch 22 is that I have to kill off the bugs to eradicate the depression.  It really is a difficult situation.

I have had a better week and have managed to be out of bed most days. Yesterday I even managed to clean the house.  I think I went a bit overboard and am paying for it today.

I try my hardest to push through and nothing gives me greater joy than for Gary to come home to a tidy, clean house.  I want to be the happy, cheerful wife that he deserves and used to have.

There are so many things that I want.  I would love to be able to drive my car, walk and talk properly, jump out of bed with enthusiasm in the mornings and I would love to return to work.  I want to be able to go visiting, go shopping and be independent.  I want to give Gary back his freedom to live every day without worrying about me.  This is my biggest wish.

I am hoping that 2014 will help me reach these goals.  I know it is going to get worse before it gets better, but I will just have to dig deeper and find the strength to endure and move forward.

So for now, I am trying to reach a better level of mood stability.  I am still almost gluten and sugar free.  I am still detoxing and working towards improving my immune system.  And the exciting news is that I finally have my appointment to see Matt’s lyme Doctor this week.  He is the specialist in this field and I will probably change over to his care if the appointment goes well.

I know a lot of my family and friends don’t understand this illness and that is ok, but please remember I am trying ……

av60

Advertisements

3 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. ree1974
    Nov 17, 2013 @ 14:42:29

    I am so proud of you for been so strong. I understand what you are going through but in a different way as I have heart problems and I have not ate or left my bed for 2 weeks except once. Keep up the good work in trying as most give up. Also I love how you tell everyone how it is and you don’t have to leave out depression. Take care. Xoxo

    Reply

    • Terri Ford
      Nov 18, 2013 @ 08:14:23

      Thanks Ree. I hope you get on top of your heart problems soon. You are a strong person and I am sure you will. I can’t see any point in glossing over how it is with my depression. That is how it is for me at the moment. xxx

      Reply

  2. suzanne Dalziel
    Nov 17, 2013 @ 17:55:48

    Terri i think your doing very well,keep up the good work and 2014 will be so much better for you

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: