**The Herxheimer reaction(also known as Jarisch-Herxheimer or Herx) occurs when large quantities of toxins are released into the body as bacteria (typically Spirochetal bacteria) die during antibiotic treatment.  Typically the death of these bacteria and the associated release of endotoxins occurs faster than the body can remove the toxins via the natural detoxification process. It is manifested by fever, chills, headache, muscle pain and exacerbation of existing symptoms.** 

So I have come to hate herxes!  Taking antibiotics to kill the bugs and then they release toxins which amplify your symptoms until your body can clear these toxins.  That’s why constant detoxing is so important….

I had the worst herx two weeks ago following my first seven weeks on anti-biotic treatment.  As my main symptoms are anxiety, depression, fatigue and dystonia (muscle jerking), I was absolutely floored with overwhelming depression (to the point of suicidal feelings), chronic fatigue and muscle jerking ( hubby had to hold me down as my movements were almost seizure like).

I had 9 days of hell before I had my appointment to see my Lyme Doctor.  He told me to stop the Penicillin immediately and that I was very unlucky as he had only ever had a handful of patients that had had similar reactions and they all had neuro lyme.  Fortunately, the herx passed within a couple of days and I was just left feeling exhausted both mentally and physically.

He has started me on a different antibiotic which he is introducing much slower and it will take me months to reach the full dosage.  The herxes from now on should be milder and easier to get through.

I have since had some pretty good days.  Yesterday, I felt almost normal!  I was able to walk steadily and do my chores.  Hubby agreed to come with me to do some shopping.  I drove as we are trying to get my confidence back, so I can drive alone without the crippling anxiety.  After the shopping, we went to visit a friend in hospital (hubby drove).  All in all, a good day.

The good news is that Matt has finished stage one of his treatment after almost a year.  He now moves on to stronger antibiotics to kill off the actual lyme bugs.  Stage one is to attack and kill off the many co-infections that we have tested positive for that accompany lyme bugs.  They are really just different bacteria.  Anyhow, the finishing post is looking closer for Matt which has delighted us all.  He is worried about the herxing these new meds may bring out, but he is strong and positive and I know he can do it 🙂

Me…. I am just taking it a day at a time.  On my good days I rejoice and on my bad days, I try to remind myself of my good days.

For you Matt.... You are a strong Leo and will beat this! xxx

For you Matt….
You are a strong Leo and will beat this! xxx



Alone and Lonely

Firstly the good news.  When I last wrote, I was having an awful week (which I thought was herxing) but in fact, turned out to be a terrible reaction to an increase in my anti-depressants.  The day after I reduced my dosage back to what it had been, the symptoms virtually stopped.  It was wonderful!

Since then I have been having some really good days.  My depression and anxiety were well controlled and I managed to get things done without any jerking etc.  Bliss 🙂

Now welcome to my pity party…

I have just started on my third cycle of anti-biotics and they have hit me hard.  I am definitely herxing as a herx brings out and amplifies the worst of your symptoms.  In my case, that is the D & A and also fatigue.

My depression has manifested itself into how alone and lonely I feel.  For a year now, I have been isolated and withdrawn.  I have lived this year in my house and a good portion of it in my bedroom.  I think this, along with the fact that I am no longer able to just jump in my car and drive has me focusing on all that I can’t do and all that I have lost from my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I make myself drive once a week.  I am a good driver and I can’t understand why it makes me panic so much.  I never drive out of our suburb and when I arrive at my destination, I am usually trembling with anxiety.  Although, on my good days it is much easier, it is never something that I enjoy.    If I could drive freely, I would be able to visit my friends and have social contact again.  Instead, I am stuck at home, spending my days alone and feeling oh so sorry for myself.

I wish I had more visitors but I totally understand that people are never sure if I am having a good day or a bad day.  Sometimes I would just like a friend to pop in and not worry about how I am feeling. Hug me if I am crying and sad or laugh with me on a good day. Maybe I have withdrawn so much, that my friends don’t feel that they can do this anymore.

The reality is that life goes on for my friends and they have busy schedules and problems of their own that they need to deal with.  I  also think a big issue is that I am so stubborn and don’t want my friends to see me so down.  I don’t want to tarnish their happiness with my problems.  I don’t want them to see me as a miserable-guts, so I don’t make contact with them even via phone calls.  Maybe I need a kick up the bum, after all, true friends love you warts and all don’t they?

I have wonderful email contact with two very special people and this helps immensely.  One lives over east and the other lives way, way up north of the river and she herself finds it hard to drive, so our contact and friendship is maintained via our daily emails.

I know this won’t last forever.  My only hope is that my friends will still be there, waiting for me to emerge from this illness and will be happy to pick up where we left off.

Not a happy post, but just telling it how it is for me at the moment.  Pointless drama….